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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to have a threesome... but then i realized, if I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I'd just have dinner with my parents."

"Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby."

"Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station."

"Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera"

"""Hey, did you see that article about cats invading the internet?"" ""Yeah, I reddit."""

"[Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*"

"DR DOG: We need to talk about your weight. PATIENT: I'm not fat. I'm just big boned. DR DOG: *drooling everywhere* Just how big exactly?"

"I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub... But they removed it for rape"

"I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it's not dangerous. He said it was distracting him."