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Joke of the Day

"Dolphins are really smart. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and feed them."

"What did they call Jesus Christ when he was crucified? Holy"

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year and it's down the chimney."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch? Matt"

"My lift to work was late to arrive at the train station, so I killed the driver... ...I thought it was fair but some said it was a loco-motive"

"What did the dwarf say to the prostitute? Hi-ho"

"I'm shocked... Turns out toasters aren't waterproof."

"A helicopter crashed on a graveyard Reports says over 500 dead."

"Gonna try and impress this hot girl biking next to me at the gym by answering the Who Wants to be a Millionaire questions out loud."

"[speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*"