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Joke of the Day

"Cute cat ""Thanks. We dont let him in though cause he shreds"" You mean sheds? ""No"" [gestures to cat shredding to Van Halen on the back patio]"

"What do you call a ""to-go"" dish ordered from German-Italian restaurant? Alfredosehen"

"[On a date at a restaurant] So this is nice huh? ""Yea,uh, who's that?"" *Dad is breathing on the window and writing 'VIRGIN' in the steam*"

"Husband -Talking to wife I have a problem Wife - how many times must i tell you that it is ""we,"" ""we have a problem"". Husband - Ok, sweetie, we have a problem. My secretary is having our baby"

"What's worse than passing out and waking up after a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced."

"I'm sure my girlfriend's frigid Every time she opens her legs a light comes on."

"What type of car does a Loch ness monster Drive? A nissan [tree fiddy](http://www.motorstown.com/images/nissan-350-z-coupe-02.jpg)"

"Why was the juice company losing customers? There was no punch-line."

"What do you call a whistleblower stuck in a blizzard? Snowd-en"

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I've learned to hate fun because I want a super buff face."