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Joke of the Day

"Rihanna the masochist paparazzi: why did you stay with chris brown? rihanna: beats me"

"Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro."

"Just got news that Jesus got sent to prison. Yeah they really nailed him."

"Why did they call the masseuse sexist? He was massage-anistic.."

"Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"I was once a man stuck in a woman's body Then my mother gave birth"

"Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk."

"Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains? Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome"

"Parkour or plastic? *bounces away with your groceries*"

"[in Paris] Will you have sex with me? ""No monsieur."" Okay, like, I don't speak French. BLINK ONCE FOR NO AND TWICE FOR YES."