82186

Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton is like an art history major, old and useless."

"Say ""beer can"" out loud in a British accent. It sounds like you're saying ""bacon"" in a Jamaican accent!"

"What do you call someone who specializes in trains? A trained professional"

"What's the difference between yogurt and semen? ~~Semen~~ Yogurt, dammit! I meant *yogurt* doesn't hit the back of your partner's throat at 30 MPH. \* I always mess up punchlines when I'm drunk!"

"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!, I'm gay."

"When someone shows you they don't want to be a part of your life, let them go. I'm not saying you can't make a voodoo doll of them, though."

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."

"In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life."

"According to the bank clerk, the robber was most likely to be a redditor... ...He seems to have screamed ""Thanks for the gold, kind strangers!"" as he ran away with the money."

"*Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness"