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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between yogurt and semen? ~~Semen~~ Yogurt, dammit! I meant *yogurt* doesn't hit the back of your partner's throat at 30 MPH. \* I always mess up punchlines when I'm drunk!"

"I own a store that sells crafts painted with blood It's called the Artery"

"Saw a really attractive woman the other day... She was wearing a miniskirt and a really low-cut shirt and I kept thinking to myself, ""Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner."" She did...."

"What does Donald have up his sleeve? A Trump card."

"You know what really gets on my nerves? myelin"

"What do you call a cow that can go 3000 feet per second? A bull-ette."

"The Judge said to the defendant. ""I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."" ""Your Honor"" the criminal said ""that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."""

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down your moms throat!"

"What do you call jerking off two dicks with your elbows? The chicken dance."