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Joke of the Day
"""I brought whipped butter instead of cream cheese for our bagels."" -terrorists"
Next Joke
"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"
"Which NBA team likes McDonald's the most? Denver Nuggets "
"You know what really breaks my heart? Cholesterol."
"My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing."
"Why did Sarah fall off the swing? ...because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) ...not Sarah."
"What Australian city has the most cats? Purrth."
"I can never find my cars keys but I won't forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago."
"Why didn't Edward get on the plane? Cause it was snowed-in."
"Doc: Your insurance won't cover it all. Me: What if I sewed myself shut? Doc: Suture self."