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Joke of the Day

"Why did Sarah fall off the swing? ...because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) ...not Sarah."

"Taking to people about your child abuse experience is the toughest part. The last time i did it, i had to spend 7 years in jail."

"There was a convention for lazy-eyed bachelors and bachelorettes. There was a massive turn out: Most of them ended with a perfect mate.... You could say that their eyes crossed in a crowded room."

"Return policy: ""If for any reason you are not satisfied..."" Ok, I'm not satisfied because dwarves and rockets."

"It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car"

"What do the Irish hate more than potatoes? No potatoes."

"Eve: I got an Apple. Adam: ... Eve: ... Adam: ... Eve: What? Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android. Eve: The serpent said this was better."

"What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends"

"I really need to get rid of this heavy copy of ""Farenheit 451""... Could someone lend me a lighter? Edit: FAHRENHEIT DAMN IT"