82017

Joke of the Day

"[end credits roll] ""I did not see that coming"" ""Dude that was titanic"""

"Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms? Kids: WE DO! YAY!"

"My youngest brother told me this one, he laughed for hours afterwards. What's worse than being a butt-half? Being a butt-whole!"

"Whoops, I said ""fuck"" in front if the kid again. I am the Joe Biden of this family."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool!"

"What do you call a fear of deadly snakes? Common sense."

"Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn't fancy the stake."

"When someone posts ""Hmmm. That was interesting..."" as their status on FB, I never ask what they're talking about because it never is."

"If you're able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging."

"Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand !!"