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Joke of the Day

"My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress...."

"I had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram I was - like - 0MG."

"How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything."

"Toilet seats can give you STD's... ...If you sit down before the person stands up"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket snatches watches..."

"Why am I fat? Every time I fuck your girlfriend, she gives me a cookie"

"My brother is so dumb. He was complaining about jockeys squeezing his balls. I told him to try boxers. He came back and said, no their hands are too rough."

"[NSFW] Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"

"A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks ""any baggage to check?"" The photon replies ""No, I'm traveling light."""

"So have you heard about the mass immigration problem ALDI has been having? They even got a new slogan: Do work or ALDI port ya"