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Joke of the Day

"Where do fat people live? (no offense meant) Original joke by me... Where do fat people live? ... ... ... in Obe-city."

"What do you call a woman with an opinion?? Wrong"

"[me adjusting paintball mask] it's too bad we aren't on the same team date: yeah"

"NO MORE READING! Yesterday I was reading this article in the newspaper about all the danger of alcohol. It scared the crap out of me!!! So that's it - from this day forward, NO MORE READING!"

"What does Mozart put on his front lawn? Metrognomes"

"How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs."

"I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid."

"What's the song that coldplay wrote for you? Yellow. *Phil answers phone*"

"Once, when my grandma stepped out of the bathtub... and my sister commented that the hair on her privates'' was getting rather sparse, Granny retorted that ""grass don't grow on a racetrack""."

"What's green and flies over Poland? Snotzis."