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Joke of the Day

"Where do gay midgets come out from? The cabinet."

"I like to start every morning with a good fuck. Oh fuck...it's time to get up."

"Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream? Both are in *a la mode*."

"Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels"

"""Mr. Trump how will you beat Hillary Clinton?"" TRUMP: I'll win NY, Florida, Ohio, we're going to add states, Gerzona, Timbaland, Waterworld"

"I can't follow these instructions on how to apply fake eyebrows They are way over my head"

"A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment."

"People are shitting on gorilla kid's mom for not watching. My mom had three kids under 5. I could've run a terrorist cell outta my treehouse"

"Purse snatching is a great way to make some extra money while getting in some cardio."

"I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch... Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch. (Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)"