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Joke of the Day

"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."

"My sister asked me if I was gay I couldn't give her a straight answer."

"I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don't have to save for retirement..."

"I'm so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. ""My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!"""

"How do you make a German cry? Show them their gas bill"

"I don't understand... My wife keeps telling me to load the dishwasher... Then she gets mad when I pour her a double..."

"I hate flossing This morning, I brushed for literally twenty minutes just to put off flossing. My hair has never looked better."

"I would say ex-wives suck, but if they did, they might still be married."

"There's a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children"

"Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is basically like picking up a hitchhiker. You're probs gonna die."