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Joke of the Day

"It's not manslaughter if they chew with their mouth open."

"If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?"

"Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck asshole."

"I'd like to commit suicide to get rid of my indecisiveness but I don't wanna jump into conclusions."

"How does a Facebook employee greet each other? Hey there, whatsapp!!"

"I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and... I haven't even started learning how to drive a train"

"Slept with my makeup and now my pillow looks like the shroud of Revlon."

"I get anxious when there aren't at least 24 pieces of advertising within my field of vision."

"Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old... in Spice Girl years."

"M$ forever! [oneliner] The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck, is the day they make a vacuum cleaner."