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Joke of the Day

"So if Valentine's Day is for couples, then the other 364 days are for me, right?"

"What do priests and christmas trees have in common? Their balls are just for decoration."

"Guy getting on elevator in my office building.."" Going Down?"" Me: ""No, but I've got time for a hug"""

"Why isn't energy made of atoms? It doesn't matter (go ahead and down vote :P)"

"Boy, are you a salad? Because I don't want you."

"I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair"

"My new thesaurus is terrible! Not only that but it's also terrible."

"When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream."

"What is Reagan's favorite vegetable? Jim Brady"

"Went to our annual work party last night... They played 'The Twist' so I twisted. They played 'Jump' so I jumped. Then they played 'Come on Eileen'...I was asked to leave shortly after that."