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Joke of the Day

"What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill."

"""Hi I'm looking for a birthday card for my mom's sister"" *hands you an extremely small card* ""WHAT IS THIS A CARD FOR AUNTS"" Yes ""Perfect"""

"A man walks into a zoo... ...the only animal in the whole entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu."

"I have so much uneaten hummus in my refrigerator, it's borderline racist."

"Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it..."

"If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. I can't stand the sound of clapping."

"There are 10 kinds of people... Those who understand ternary notation, those who don't and those who thought this would be a binary joke. Credits to /u/johnnybenude"

"[Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: ""What the-"""

"I was glad when one fish got away. There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!"

"How many mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Juan."