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Joke of the Day

"I'm watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit."

"Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats."

"Two scientists walk into a bar... ...The first one says: ""I'll have some H2O"" The second one says: ""I'll have some water too"" The first scientist got angry because his assassination attempt failed."

"I pulled my groin the other day.. .. It felt so good, I pulled it one more time."

"Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it."

"So she texts: Do you want to see something exiting? Me: Yes, of course! Anddd she left the chat."

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina."

"Where is a pirates favorite place to shop for toys? Toys arrrrrr Us."

"A zombie walks into a bar Bartender says ""we don't serve zombies here"" to which the zombie replies ""that's fine, is the human fresh?"""

"What did 0 say to 8? hey, nice belt!"