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Joke of the Day

"I've been having constant sleep paralysis In my last 3 dreams I was in a wheelchair"

"The fact that Americans eat cookie dough and cake batter shows that we can't even wait until it's done cooking anymore."

"I stay away from granny Smith. She's just too tart for me."

"Rihanna's restraining order against Chris Brown says he cannot ""harass or annoy"" her. I want one of those against everyone ever."

"How do you pick up a Muslim girl? Piece by piece"

"A local policeman did a talk on heroin It was impossible to understand him"

"Ever have one of those dreams where you're falling and you wake up when you hit the ground? I had one of those, except I didn't wake up after I hit the ground."

"One night stand I'm not happy about my girlfriends one night stand. I'd really like somewhere to put my phone and spare change when we go to bed."

"Q: Why do blondes drive VWs? A: Because they can spell it."

"How do painters stay warm? They add another coat."