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Joke of the Day

"I'm all out of damns to give, and only have a few flying f*cks left... but I'm saving those for a special occasion."

"Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public."

"Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do? Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. ""Oh damn, shots fired!"" But not by the pizza guy."

"Listen, I'll play that funky music if you ask me in a nice, non-derogatory way."

"What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock? Politics"

"Dear girls, Santa saw your Facebook page, you're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas."

"My new years resolution is not to be a dick, you dicks."

"This Joke is a Bit of a Stretch What did the hillbilly say when his yoga instructor asked if you wanted to leave the class? ""Na, I'm a-stay"""

"Did you know you can tell what kind of area you're driving in by the bumps in the road? A few big bumps means you should probably slow down. Lots of little bumps means you're in a school zone."

"Why did the angry ant fall off the toilet seat? Because it was pissed off."