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Joke of the Day

"*looks at selfie* ""Hmmm I need more flattering lighting"" *tries again inside an unlit abandoned coal mine* ""ahhh much better"""

"What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe."

"There was an old man from Peru... whose limericks all end on line two."

"I now have a black girlfriend I severely burnt my hand on the stove"

"I tried to be a workaholic but workahol tastes like shit."

"Camo couch? what is the hardest part about owning a couch that is upholstered in camouflage? Not knowing where to sit every time"

"What's grosser than gross, and sicker than sick? When you sit on Grampa's lap and he pops a boner."

"""If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-"" SHE ONCE COMMENTED 'FIRST' ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO *ring bearer vomits*"

"Today marks 5 yrs of being smoke free!! Now I spend my time finding new places to hide the bodies of those who've pissed me off!"

"In answer to the question ""would you have sex with bill Clinton"" 87 percent of Americans responded No. Not again"