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Joke of the Day

"So I was having sex with a girl from work... She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us. Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue."

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"An American's ""inside voice"" is the rest of the world's ""outside voice""."
"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."
"A breakfast crime Did you here about the egg who *cracked* the case?. He was super *yolked* so it was *over-easy*."
"One of these days the love of your life will walk right past you and you're gonna be staring at your phone posting a status about how lonely you feel."
"Whats the point in picking up a bag of pills... ...if you are just going to drop them?"
"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-o-puss"
"I'm so sick of being constipated... I'm completely losing my shit"
"Siri, are you a funny reference any more?"
"I saw a chameleon today so I guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon"