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Joke of the Day
"Siri, are you a funny reference any more?"
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"Have I told you lately... ...is the least romantic line a toll-collector ever said to his girlfriend."
"Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, ""We should really go see that together."""
"In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived. I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers."
"My pet mouse Elvis died today He got caught in a trap."
"I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, ""I read what you said on the internet."""
"Lebron's life is like one big compass... He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West."
"I tried some of those little, rabbit Peeps... (they tasted just like chicken)"
"I invented a new sexual position called ""The Republican"" where I screw poor people."
"Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork."