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Joke of the Day

"Bread is just bread until you drop it on the floor. Then it's toast."

"How many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? A lot, because they're fucking stupid."

"I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard."

"This sushi restaurant has the worst service. ""Ma'am this is an aquarium"""

"I went as a congressional bill for Halloween.... I stayed in the House and didn't do anything."

"What's the best hour to book a dental appointment? Tooth hurty."

"What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing? ""Stop being so elfish, Karen!"""

"please say a prayer for my coworker. his life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich"

"I heard Cobras dance to music. I played some Justin Bieber for my pet Cobra and he bit himself and died."

"If you can't tell the difference between a ladel and a spoon Then you're fat."