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Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I bring my wife? Travel Agent: Of course Me: But I'm hetero. Does that matter? Travel Agent: Do you think I'm saying Gayman Islands?"

"How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies"

"Two chemist walks into a bar The first chemist says ""A glass of H2O"" The second says ""A glass of H2O, too"" The second chemist died soon after."

"Knock Knock... Knock Knock Who's there? I have runnyeep I have runnyeep who? hahaha! (You have to say it out loud to get it)"

"If you're having second thoughts, you're two ahead of most people."

"CHILDREN & CARS Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."

"Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body."

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* ""HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN"" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*"

"*knock knock* Go away I'm not home ""I can hear you"" I can hear you too..go away ""I brought food"" What kind of food"