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Joke of the Day

"[closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* ""did you take a knife to a job interview"""

"What's the worst thing about being in an incestuous relationship with your own father? Every time you say to him ""I'm horny"" he always replies ""Hi, horny, I'm dad""."

"I want to make an iPhone 5 Joke But its too long"

"I doubt vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot."

"My thai girlfriend told me a small penis doesn't matter... ...I still wish she didn't have one though"

"Wife: Do the dishes Me: Can't. Holding the baby Wife: Take out the trash Me: Can't. Baby Wife: Change the baby Me: Can't. Doing dishes."

"*posts a link from buzzfeed to facebook* omg this. it's all so true. number 8 I can't XD"

"I went to the zoo, which is unfortunately closing due to a lack of visitors, and all that was left to see was... the going out of business snail."

"Let's get a beer Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'"

"What do the Lannisters and Alice in Chains have in common? They pay their debts on time."