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Joke of the Day

"[closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* ""did you take a knife to a job interview"""

"""I'm happy with who I am, sure. But I'm not gonna go around calling myself ""great"" like some of these jerks."" --humble white shark."

"I studied abroad the first semester of my junior year Then she closed her blinds"

"How do you get a blonde to break her nose? Place your dick under a glass table"

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old"

"Welcome to anxiety club, I really hope more people show up. Maybe there was a terrible accident and everyone that was coming is now dead"

"Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot."

"Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either"

"One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?"

"THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP ""No"" WE WON'T ASK AGAIN ""No"" Ok guys, let's go. We can't ask again"