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Joke of the Day

"One hair in my soup Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!"

"Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again."

"A soldier gets his entire left half of him blown off by a landmine He's alright now though."

"How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"What did Waldo say at the Superbowl? I'm just here so I won't get find."

"At some point Princess Peach needs to look in the mirror and ask herself what she can do to prevent getting abducted so frequently"

"This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer..."

"""I am Santa Claus."" ""No you're not."" ""Yes I am."" ""Ok."" - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form."

"that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse"

"Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread"