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Joke of the Day

"I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!"

"Wait! What?! The subway is flooded? WHAT ABOUT THE NINJA TURTLES?! *prays*"

"The Longest Joke Ever! My life"

"The most awkward part of meeting new people is when my kids say, ""Please help us."""

"*i put two straws in my drink* gf: awhh :) me: hell ya double barrel *i use both straws*"

"Did you see the new clock porno? It's about fucking time."

"some terrible part of me is perpetually close to just making and selling artisinal customized tamagotchis & bein real pretentious about it"

"Did you hear how the deaf electrician asked his friend to repeat what he said? Watt?"

"I just started my career as a shy rapist. It's touch and go."

"Have you seen the new ticket prices for Alton Towers? Admission now costs an arm and a leg!"