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Joke of the Day

"How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who?"

"What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win? Atrophy."

"My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere."

"The iPhone 7 is water-resistant, has stereo sound and a better camera but it doesn't have that one feature that I want: affordability."

"What animal is the moodiest? A Bi-Polar Bear."

"I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying."

"There should be a massage parlor where when you ask for a ""happy ending"" your dad walks out and says that he's proud of you."

"Halloween ... The agoraphobic paedophiles favourite day of the year."

"A $7 voucher at the airport is like having 100 skeeball tickets at Chuck E Cheese: it sounds good on paper but won't get you anything decent"