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Joke of the Day

"Dear President Kennedy, is it cool if we start asking what our country can do for us yet?"

"Internet speeds would be a lot faster if it wasn't for all the bandwidth hogs watching their cats sleep by webcam."

"Do we even know if ducks can fart? We should put a guy on that."

"""Ride or die"" seems a bit dramatic. I'm looking for a ""ride or maybe go our separate ways if things aren't working out."""

"Why did God put men on the Earth? Becuase a vibrator can't mow the lawn."

"Just pressed a picture of my new Corvette against the glass of the shark tank at the aquarium & said ""You guys ain't shit."""

"Stop calling me a Karma Whore I'm a Karma Escort."

"Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk."

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."

"The fact that we're supposed to reuse a vagina after a mini human has crawled out of it kinda bums me out."