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Joke of the Day

"What do Eric Clapton and Donald Trump have in common? They were both jealous of the size of a black man's crowd."

"If a woman ever charges you with a knife in the kitchen, remain calm and open the fridge. Take out mayonnaise, cheese, and ham. Natural instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich instead."

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her pussy? Only 20% of the things that came out of her pussy were retarded. /r/imgoingtohellforthis ?"

"They say two heads are better than one... men are the exception"

"[girl's night out] WIFE: I'm off then ME: Okay WIFE: Don't do anything obtuse ME: Pfft - give me a break! {5 min later} ME *googling obtuse*"

"On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? A: An offer you can't understand."

"a Black man and a Mexican man falls off a cliff, which one lands first? Who cares."

"Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted? To get fucked by a third party?"

"The worst part about looking for a job is if you're successful, you end up with a job."