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Joke of the Day

"I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day... Or you can just take the whole thing."

"*notices zipper is down* OMG! *zips it up* FRIEND: Thanks but next time just tell me and I'll do it myself"

"I feel sorry for people that haven't found their true love. My sister is on her 5th."

"How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy? Because old Hobbits die hard..."

"Why did Hitler break up with his girlfriend? She was a nein out of ten"

"What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap? The bucket"

"What's a narcissist's favorite color? Reflection"

"My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem... They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!"

"Why can't the T-Rex play the piano? Cause they're dead!"

"i once had a beautiful wife, she was always the prettiest when she was asleep. Unfortunately she died after i gave her too many sleeping pills."