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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jews and Pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven."

"What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there's no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it."

"Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you."

"ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING"

"Two office workers were chatting around the water cooler. ""I had a nice quiet dinner with my wife last night, Harry,"" said one. ""Oh yeah?"" ""Yeah, except for the celery."""

"What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's been knifed"

"What's pink, bubbling and tapping on glass? a baby in a microwave."

"I just had an AMAZING salad at McDonalds. The toppings I chose were 4 big macs & 10 chicken mc nuggets with 9 sweet & sour packs as dressing"

"I was just awarded a trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf."

"Two bananas are sitting on a river bank.. A turd comes floating by. The turd says "" come on in guys, the waters great!"" The one banana looks at the other banana and says ""you believe that shit!"""