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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice."

"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go"

"A Board Game Walks into a Bar... The bartender says, ""look, we don't want any Trouble!"""

"If you took the tartness out of a lime and later put it back would the lime be retarted? Yes...yes it would..."

"Few things look as optimistic as a dog butt trotting off into the distance"

"I probably couldn't even keep a picture of a plant alive."

"What do Americans do immediately after winning the World Cup (Soccer)? Turn off the Playstation."

"Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by."

"Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:"

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away."