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Joke of the Day

"Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1."

"Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!"

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"What drink can wrongly convict a black man? Tequila Mockingbird"

"Some cocaine addicts get very glossy skin. It's the charlie sheen"

"Why is Santa always jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live."

"Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes."

"You didn't like it. I was going to tell you a joke about my time machine"

"What has two legs and is bleeding all over the fucking rug? Half a dog"

"How much does a German weigh? Teutons."