79414

Joke of the Day

"[Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*"

"I hope 2016 doesn't get renewed. The plot is ridiculous and none of the characters are likable."

"Coworker: I never would've guessed you're in your 30's. You look so young. Me: I'm old at heart."

"What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole Brown Simpson at the Pearly gates? Heres your fucking sunglasses!"

"[blind date] Her: so do you go on a lot of dates? Me: *sucking the gravy from my plate* a lot of first ones."

"Chicken stock has gone up today, but only by a poultry sum."

"Kermit and Miss Piggy never married. He has Kermitment issues."

"I spent 69 years making memes in a musty dungeon. They were pretty dank."

"What's the smelliest type of pencil? A #2 pencil"

"A lion walks the desert and sees an armored knight. ""Oh no, not canned meat again!"""