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Joke of the Day

"If my balls come out on the lottery tonight... my career as a TV presenter will be in ruins."

"Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth? And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?"

"Q: When ducks fly in a V, why is one side of the V longer than the other? A: There are more ducks on that side."

"Cargo shorts are awesome because you have extra pockets to carry all the ladies numbers that you get."

"if anyone has reason for these two not to wed, speak now or forever hold y- [brides dad stands up] ""SHE BRUSHES HER TEETH WITH HOT WATER"""

"Did you know, if you cut off your left arm, your right arm would be left."

"I blame my parents subscription to National Geographic when I was a kid for my preference for black women."

"Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks."

"Did you hear about the shy masturbating turtle? he really came out of his shell"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's the best plan healthcare.gov could offer me."