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Joke of the Day

"People who have quit Reddit, how is life like now?"

"What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren't those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?"

"TIL why my adopted daughter keeps screaming ""Reddit Gold"" Apparently there's this really popular movie with a hit song that kids just love."

"I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?"

"Steve-""My wife is a very careful driver"". Smith-""How do you know that""? Steave-""She Always Slows down when passing a red light""!"

"I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, ""It's not your fault."""

"Ever see a bottle of TUMS in the mirror? You'll run out of windex..."

"HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished"

"When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say ""Excuse my French"" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand"

"Kids these days have Wikipedia... When I was a kid, all I had was a drunk uncle."