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Joke of the Day

"I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!"

"""Ok J Lo, we have a movie for you."" ""Is the male lead obsessed with me?"" ""Yes."" ""I'll do it."""

"Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago."

"I'd like a new frog please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide."

"What do you call a water bottle that objects? A rebuttle"

"Shout out to my loving wife, who has made me everything I am today... Fucking miserable"

"A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat."

"When anyone says they've embarrassed themselves enough for one day, I smile, nod and think 'that kind of limit sounds nice'"

"What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at? Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh"

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says, ""Why the long face?"""