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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my loving wife, who has made me everything I am today... Fucking miserable"

"A cop pulls over a redneck The cop asks ""Got any ID?"" The redneck scratches his head, "" 'bout what?"""

"I hear there's a pre-credit stinger in Batman v. Superman But it's not worth sticking around for."

"ME: Hey you haven't talked to me lately, are you mad at me FRIEND: No things are just really awful ME: Oh thank god FRIEND: What"

"Did you know King Solomon made love to 1000 virgins but he never enjoyed great sex :-P"

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in"

"What do you call two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard? Pillow fight"

"There are three types of people in this world... Those who can count, and those who can't."

"I loved John Hurt so much... that I'm not even going to make the joke that my heart John Hurts right now. Even though it would make me feel better."

"why do we only eat some of the animals I'm looking at you manatees keep being fat your day will come"