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Joke of the Day

"A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat."

"What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business :D Edit: Sorry, I'm not sorry"

"Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share."

"Edison didn't fail at making a lightbulb, he found 10,000 ways that don't work. Number 7,511 will shock you!"

"moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend"

"What do you call a Pokemon with a STD? Vulvasoar"

"Why can't you ever trust an atom? Because, they make up everything..."

"When is a car no longer a car? When it turns into a driveway"

"What goes CLOP CLOP CLOP BANG BANG CLOP CLOP? An Amish drive-by shooting"

"Build a man a fire, he is warm for a day. Light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life."