79171

Joke of the Day

"They say that a person's surname is named after whatever their ancestors did to make a living I feel sorry for the guy who's dad was the first person to be called ""Dickinson"""

"""At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this,"" is comedian-speak for, ""Sorry about your life, dude."""

"It's raining. I'm going to be late for work. I can't fit my hair in the car."

"""Are you working right now? Where are you working?"" Facebook is worse than my parents."

"Why did the calculus students get arrested? For drinking and deriving."

"They say you're only as old as you feel. Yet they'll arrest you for trying to feel a 12 year-old."

"At some point during texting, a text is sent that means: ""This is the end of the conversation. I'm gonna do something interesting now."""

"Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver... the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it."

"How Long is a Chinese name. No, really, it is!"

"I was at the ATM, and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, So I pushed her over."