79077

Joke of the Day

"Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents."

"Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk."

"Why don't Mexicans have BBQs? Because the beans keep falling through the grill."

"""i am equally happy on the couch watching netflix or at a party with friends"" = ""the human condition is one of sickness & contradiction"""

"Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded... at how gullible people on the internet are."

"""Are you cold?"" No dumbass, I'm on fucking vibrate mode.."

"What did the black kid say to his mom when he had diarrhea? Help! I'm melting!"

"Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and his left leg? He was all right."

"My internet connection."

"Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings? They only work 10% of the time."