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Joke of the Day

"A baby seal walks into a club.... ba dum bump - ting...."

"Did you hear Ben and Jerry are going to bring out a special line of LGBT ice-cream? They're gonna call it Ambrusia."

"Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish..."

"What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces? Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them."

"You're in love? Cool, I'm in sweatpants."

"What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging...."

"What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel? A school shooting"

"When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say ""Excuse my French"" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand"

"STOP HONKING! IF I DRIVE ANY FASTER THE TINY LIZARD THAT HITCHED A RIDE ON MY HOOD IS GONNA FALL TO HIS DEATH. HAVE SOME COMPASSION, PEOPLE."

"No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks. I can stop at any time I want."