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Joke of the Day

"""Are you sexually ac-"" [my doctor looks up at me] [he marks no]"

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"I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds."
"Don't forget to tell everyone how you love Fridays because we were all wondering how you feel about them."
"I was very upset at the funeral the other day. I started wailing and moaning and banging on the coffin In the end they opened it and let me out."
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before social interactions, very helpful."
"What is a berry's favorite farewell? ""Acai you later!"""
"Why does Edward Woodwood have four D's in his name? Because otherwise his name would be E-war Woo-woo."
"A blowfly goes into a bar and asks... Is that stool taken?"
"The best freestyle ever Roll up to someone with pancakes Drop my iPhone on it Call it ihop I'll see myself out"
"What is the one thing you don't want to hear during sex? Honey, I'm home!"