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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my kids. BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY HEAR ME."

"English is weird.. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Edit: R.I.P My inbox"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a lentil on my face."

"Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks."

"What do you call five black cars that all crash into each other? A three car pile-up."

"We should have known Communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags."

"I went to the premature ejaculation clinic today. They told me my appointment isn't until tomorrow."

"I once was wrestling a guy and had him in a lock but couldn't make him tap out. Sorry for the bad submission."

"British sense of humour"

"Me: ""Bond."" *lowers sunglasses* ""James Bond."" Cashier: ""You've been doing that for 35 minutes. Are you going to buy the sunglasses or not?"""