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Joke of the Day

"[restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: ""Will you make me the happiest man alive?"" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] ""Not possible"""

"What do you call a blind german? A not see"

"I once met a woman with wooden breast implants This joke would be funny with a punchline, wouldn't it?"

"If you were to write a direct, very short introduction for Microsoft Office's word processor, it might be a... ...forward four-word foreword for Word."

"Note to self: I am a note"

"Ever seen a horse with a carrot on a stick dangling over its head? Last night on the treadmill's TV, I saw an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken."

"Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits? Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free."

"What do you call a skinny misogynist? Skinny or fat, I find that they prefer to think of themselves as ""egalitarian""."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop & a lobster with breast implants.. One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"There's a party in the garden so lettuce turnip the beet"