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Joke of the Day

"Dear ladies who wear black tights and red shoes: Please stop. Minnie Mouse is not a style icon for grown women. Love, M"

"Why do mules not work as hard as horses? Because they're half-assed!"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young. After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized."

"What is it called when a bull made of snow eats explosives? A bomb in a bull snowman."

"Fella goes to the house of ill repute. Lady meets him at the door and he asks ""how much""? ""$25"" she sezs. ""You gotta be putting me on"", sez Fella. ""No, that's another $5"" sez Lady."

"Why can't two melons get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"Creams that smell like fruit play with your brain. Tempted to eat my own leg. Smells like mango, but would probably taste like rare steak."

"""I'm the world champion of hearing,"" I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw"

"What goes ""quick, quick""? Duck in a hurry. (c) beatattitude 2014"

"TIL that .15% of subway sandwiches are made incorrectly on the first try Whoops sorry sir, wrong sub!"