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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! :D"

"I'll never become a vegetarian I think it would be a huge missed steak."

"Well this is new. A pigeon just shit on my phone as I was texting."

"What food makes women stop having sex? A wedding cake"

"Today I saw two blind people fighting I shouted ""I'm supporting the one with the knife!"" They both ran away."

"[at restaurant] -sees baby screaming in high chair -walks over & picks baby up -walks outside & puts baby down ""You're free,"" I whisper."

"I knew someone that was frozen to absolute zero once. He was 0K."

"Whenever I have sex, my eyes water and I find it hard to breathe... The doctor says its the mace."

"What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull!"

"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."