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Joke of the Day

"If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday. First time posting, please be gentle."

"""I need a timing belt & power steering for my life"" I say to my new bros, using the only 2 car-terms I know in a single testosterone bullet."

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health..."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. -Jackie Mason"

"Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg? Because they're both cracked!"

"I call my weed the Quran... because every time I burn it I get stoned."

"I didn't send Christmas cards this year, what with the economy and all. Mostly I'm just lazy, but blaming the economy is so much more fun."

"Meant to type ""Lmaoooo"" but left off the ""L"" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic."

"....Hey...uh...hey. Reddit. Yeah, you Reddit.....what do ducks eat? **QUACKERS** **LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL--STARTS CHOKING ON OWN HUMOR--**"

"My wife and I have lost over 150lbs combined!!! ...we divorced. I'm not sure how much she weighed but it was definitely over 150lbs."

"what does past, present, and future have in common? ...... tense"