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Joke of the Day

"There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate. -plauge inc"

"How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber? You ask them to pronounce unionize."

"I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!"

"A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail."

"I feel bad for people named John Smith. They probably didn't get the gmail account they wanted."

"What do you call a Mexican Miget? A paragraph Cause he's to small to be an esse"

"What is a hamburger's favourite story? Hansel and Gristle!"

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your coconuts, this ain't gonna be your average blowjob. As told to me by a passing homeless man yesterday..."

"My grandfather had a stroke this week.. He saw a picture of my grandmother when she was younger and couldn't help himself."

"Best Man speech joke help Hi Everyone, Mu buddy is getting married on Indepedence Day and need some help for a good joke for the speech. I am the best man."